


Funerals (I’ve Suffered Yet Another Loss)

by crazyinfj



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [10]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Ironman 1 timeline, Not A Fix-It, Peter Parker gets closure, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:08:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29169360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyinfj/pseuds/crazyinfj
Summary: Peter goes back in time to save Tony Stark (but something, someone, holds him back)Februwhump Prompt #12: Who are You?
Relationships: Peter Parker & Ho Yinsen, Peter Parker & James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Ho Yinsen
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135274
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Funerals (I’ve Suffered Yet Another Loss)

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my beta is gonna murder me...

Peter watched as his mentor was thrown into the cave, his body lifeless, the only clue of him even being alive was his violent shaking, his body in shock.

He knew it would be bad, when he traveled back in time to save his mentor. But he never thought it’d be this bad. Rhodey had told him that unimaginable things had been done to Tony, but Rhodey wasn’t there. He didn’t see what Peter saw now. 

Tony Stark, limp on the floor, each life-giving breath also killing him. 

Minutes must tick by because the other prisoner, Ho Yinsen, breaks him away from his horrific trance. 

“Peter, I need you to lift his legs up.” 

“I don’t think we should move him.” 

Ho Yinsen shook his head. “I’ve got to do surgery on him, my hands are steadier if I stand up.” Ho slung his arm around the unconscious body. “We have to risk this.” 

“Of course.”

Peter grabbed Tony’s legs. The dead weight surprised him, but it was nothing for his spider strength. But the intricate web of bravery he had painted Tony Stark with? Peter wished he wasn’t here to witness the beginning of such. 

But that’s why he was here, right? To save the life of Tony Stark?

—

“Do you know how to sew?”

“Yeah.” Peter just hoped Yinsen wouldn’t ask where Peter learned. 

“Here.” Ho Yinsen passed Peter the needle he had been using to sew up Tony’s chest, and Peter can see how the older man’s eyes squinted, how exhausted they were. He knew he should. Peter’s eyes are younger, and Yinsen’s hands are _shaking_ form the intricate work he’s been doing. 

Still, Peter stared at the needle in Yinsen’s hand, looking as if it would kill him. “No. I can’t.”

“Right now, his life depends on you being able to.” Ho Yinsen’s voice is reassuring, it doesn’t match the quiver of his fingers, and Peter always wondered how people could be so calm in matters like this. 

Tony would’ve been, for him. 

Reluctantly, Peter grabs the needle from Yinsen and reaches for the skin. He’s seen May do this a thousand times on his scraped knees, and eventually, minor wounds from his days as Spider-Man. But he’s never done it, much less, on someone he loves.

Gulping down his vomit, Peter wonders if this is how it feels when May sees him hurt. If suddenly, the whole world slows down to a molecule, the only thought, the only necessity to protect that which you love. 

In this case, it’s his mentor, who he cannot lose again. _If he does, its directly his fault._

—

There’s a car battery keeping Tony Stark alive. It’s been ten hours. Right now, Yinsen and Tony are both sleeping. And it’s good, because Yinsen says Tony has a steadier pulse. And Yinsen needs the sleep. 

The past hours had consisted of Yinsen using old rags, cleaned to the best of Peter’s ability, to clean the scattered shrapnel wounds. But nothing compared to the state of Tony’s chest. 

Yinsen had been picking coin sized bits of metal out of his chest, and Peter, whose job it had been to “sterilize” the needle, had seen the actual heart, the blood, and arteries of his mentor, moving in time. 

It should have grossed him out. But Peter is instead relieved, it’s proof that Tony’s alive. He’s come to the past to save his life, and there’s no room for Peter to mess up. 

Of course, Peter didn’t know about the godsend that is Ho Yinsen. Tony’s never mentioned him, and Peter has no idea why. The quiet scientist had saved Tony’s life, quickly assessing the situation and rising to the challenge, selflessly, with the danger of the Ten Rings and failure breathing down his neck. Either way, he’d be responsible for the death of Tony Stark. 

But the man is the reason Tony is alive, so why would Tony leave his legacy here to be covered by the Afghan sands?

—

Peter’s been staring at the rise and fall of Tony’s chest for the past hour, afraid that if he moves his eyes, Tony will stop breathing. He finds himself biting his lip, tasting the copper of blood and he realizes that everything he’s never said, he can say it right here. Tony will never know, with him being unconscious, and maybe Peter will get the closure Pepper keeps talking about.

“Mr. Stark,” Peter squeezes the pale hand, hoping to gain strength. Fruitless, of course, Tony barely has enough strength to survive. Much less to give Peter. “Why did it have to be you?”

Logically, Peter knows that Tony would’ve done the deed regardless of if others were able to. It’s who Tony Stark is. But for a moment, Peter lets himself flounder in the questions that everyone keeps fighting with logic. Don’t they see what he lost?

Another father figure. That’s three, within seventeen years. Or well, twenty-two linear years. 

“Pepper says you did it for me.” 

He doesn’t want the responsibility for another person’s death. His list of funerals he’s responsible for causing is many. Uncle Ben, the people he failed to save on patrol, he knew every name, attended every funeral, standing in the back, paying his regards, whispering apologies they would never hear. And now, Tony. 

“Am I the reason Morgan is without a father? Mr. Stark, I would’ve never asked that of you, I don’t want Morgan to have a laundry list of parental figures that have gone. She’s barely five Tony.”

“I saw the message you left in the suit. Did you know? That you wouldn’t make it? ‘Untimely death’ and all that? You asked, no you begged, for me to move on. How am I supposed to do that?”

“I can’t put on the suit and not see you in every fiber. I can’t swing through the city and not see your face, I look at the sky and see the lack of contrails from your suit. Everywhere Tony, I see the emptiness you left. Tell me, how am I supposed to move on?”

“Why can’t I keep anyone in my life? Why couldn’t I, Spider-Man, not save you too?”

Peter doesn’t even realize that Yinsen’s been awake, but he slumps in the arms of a man he barely knows. His soul shakes, it cries in agony, as if the cries are loud enough to wake Tony. Yinsen singing a song, a lullaby in a language Peter can’t understand. 

\--

When Peter wakes up, Yinsen is cradling his head in his lap, and Peter feels stiff all over. 

_Tony._ His body subconsciously jerks towards his mentor.

“He’s alive. Still unconscious, but that’s to be expected.”

“Is he..” Peter can’t finish his sentence. It’s as if cotton has choked him, and part of him doesn't want to ask. Doesn’t want to even consider Tony dying as an option. Everyone has been leading with logic, and Peter wants to see the illogical. For once, can’t life be kind to him?

“He will pull through.” Yinsen promises, and Peter knows that Yinsen is not a doctor. He knows that medical analysis is only as far as he can see. There could be toxins in the blood, clotting, brain trauma, and so many other hidden injuries. But for now, Peter lets the promise anchor him. 

\--

“Who are you Peter?” Yinsen looks up from where he is cleaning another cloth, and it’s almost time to clean Tony’s wounds. “To Tony Stark?”

Peter stares at his mentor’s face. Who is he to Tony Stark? He’s close enough to him that his pictures were in the Stark Cabin. But Tony never defined what they were, and Peter was too scared to ask. Mostly because he didn’t want to hear anything other than “pseudo son.”

“I was his...intern. A mentee.”

Yinsen doesn't look convinced. “That’s quite a close relationship, for a mentor and mentee. And what is Spider-Man?”

Peter finds himself telling Yinsen about Oscorp, his spider bite, Uncle Ben, events all the way up to the Vulture. “Tony was my…” Peter didn’t know if there even was a word for it. “Mentor. He helped me grow into Spiderman. He was there when Aunt May found out, he was there through the panic attacks, the nightmares. He’s taught me a lot, like a fa-” Peter cuts himself off. He won’t speak those words into existence. He’s not sure if he wants to label it, because then it hurts so much more, knowing he never had the chance to tell Tony what he meant to him.

“You came back in time to save your father.” Yinsen says it plain and simple, and makes it seem reasonable. Nothing about this is reasonable. 

“I thought I could save him the pain, save him from a million funerals, maybe even his own.”

Of course, most of the funerals aren’t physical, Peter knows. Other than the funerals of Howard and Maria, and Peggy Carter, Tony’s hasn’t physically gone to a suit and tie formal where people praise the name of a person they spit to just weeks ago. 

But in the short time Peter knew Tony Stark, he watched his mentor grieve the lives of thousands. He grieved his teammates, attended funerals every time he saw a past clip of them. Grieving who they used to be, who they killed to move forward. He grieved for every lost life in battle, sometimes physically attending their funerals, but always sending financial help with handwritten apologies. Peter watched Tony attend a million funerals, and lose a bit of himself to each one. 

“Life is funerals.” Yinsen murmed. “Every person you love, you will attend their funerals. Everytime they change, they kill a part of themselves. And you will witness it, you will attend the funeral, and grieve. But Peter, that’s a part of life you cannot protect him from.”

“But he tried to avoid them, by causing his own funerals.” Peter glanced at his mentor, the body still, just like the last time Peter saw him.

“He was suicidal?” 

Peter paused. Was Tony suicidal? The wormhole, Ultron, Peter hadn’t witnessed them, but could Tony have been flirting with death? Peter had watched Tony make moves that seemed uncalculated, but nothing there seemed suicidal. 

“No, Tony wasn’t suicidal, he was sacrificial.” 

“I met Tony once, a long time ago. In Switzerland. My gosh, he had been drunk beyond belief. Joked about high alcohol tolerance. I was hoping to meet him again…” Yinsen glanced over at the body on the bed. “Just not like this.” 

“He’s not like that anymore. Barely drinks at all.” 

“What changed?”

“He saw weapons, his, destroy the world he was trying to protect.” Peter shrugged. “I’m not sure. That’s what he told the press after he shut down Stark Industries weapons division. He became Ironman, to protect the world.”

“What if, everything that happens to Tony Stark, including this cave, builds him into Ironman?”

“Of course, yeah. This arc reactor changes his life. It powers the suit, it is the core of Ironman.” 

“No, I don’t believe it is.” Yinsen goes to undress one of Tony’s arms, to clean it up again, and his eyes aren’t on Peter, but Yinsen is staring into his soul nonetheless. “A man powered suit is only as good as its wearer, as its creator. Tony Stark is the core of his armor.” 

“What are you saying?” 

Why did everyone talk in riddles these days?

“I’m saying that it’s three months of desperation that built Tony Stark. And in turn, Ironman. In the future, Tony Stark goes on to mentor Peter Parker, Spider-Man. This kid, Tony sees the future in.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Peter shrugged. He didn’t like to dwell on that too much. There’s too many deaths in his story, too many dark nights, shadows that creep in when he’s too weak to fight them. He knows the world needs another hero to look upon. He’s not sure if he’s the right person for that. A strong enough person for that. 

“And if you prevent Tony from experiencing this cave, you will not be met by the same man you knew. Because everything he became starts right here.”

_Yinsen wants Peter to leave Tony here._

No, that can’t happen. That will mean Peter failed. Failed to protect the man that has always protected him. Failed yet another father figure. He can’t. 

“He doesn’t deserve this. You don’t deserve this.”

“We don’t get what we deserve Peter. I think you know that.” Yinsen’s voice is soft, sympathetic, and Peter’s angry. At the world mostly, for being right. For robbing him of another person he loves. 

“I can’t let him die.”

“He’s not going to. Peter, look.” Yinsen lifts Peter’s chin up, uses his rough thumb pads to swipe away the tears. “You are his legacy. And the best way to honor him is to live to be what he saw in you. And to do that, you must face your future.”

 _Stop dwelling on the past_ goes unspoken. 

—

It's nightfall when Peter knows it’s time. Yinsen is asleep again, functioning on three hour sleep cycles, and Peter doesn’t think about what Yinsen will do with even less sleep when he’s gone. Peter doesn’t think about all the things he can’t stop from happening to his mentor.

What Peter does think about is the bright red of the armor he’s come to love. He thinks about how it matches the blood that Tony’s lost and how it’s poetic. He thinks about the gold and how it’s reflective of Yinsen. 

Suddenly, the color scheme of the armor is less flashy to Peter, and he can’t help but smile. 

_The color scheme of the armor is in honor of Yinsen._

He thinks about his mentor’s heartbeat as he folds the fraying cloths that will clean those wounds in less than two hours. The heartbeat, that same one that he’s fallen asleep to through so many hard nights. The unique rhythm that Peter’s never heard in another heartbeat. Of course, it’d be Tony Stark, the one and only, to have the most unique heart of them all. 

The arc reactor would be the embodiment of that previously unique heart. And Peter wouldn’t be here to see it happen. But, he was there to be affected by it. And that will have to be enough. 

So here he is, looking over his mentor, his father, and whispering his final goodbye. This one, he knows, is the one that hurts most. Because this time, it’s his choice to leave. 

“I don’t know why I came back, I don’t know what I was searching for, closure seems impossible. Maybe it was for a chance to see you again, maybe I wanted to be the hero you’ve always said I am. But I’ve made it harder. Because in every universe, Peter Parker will meet Tony Stark, and in every universe, I’m gonna have to lose you.”

And then, with heavy eyes, Peter turns the dial on his watch. He’s going back to a reality where Tony Stark is no more. 

— 

“Yinsen?” Rhodey asks, as soon as Peter arrives. He can see it in Rhodey’s eyes, the knowledge that he didn’t do what he had gone to. And he sees understanding there. Rhodey knew he needed that journey for closure, not to save anyone’s life but his own. 

Peter understands now why Tony doesn’t mention Yinsen. It's another funeral, another death to grieve, except this time, it's not for the living. Tony had physically attended the death and funeral of the man behind the genius of the suit. And Peter mourns the death too. Because now Peter knows the story behind every sacrificial action of Tony Stark. He had been mirroring the actions of the man who did it first. 

In every universe, Tony would lose Yinsen. In every universe, Peter would lose the man who created his father figure. 

And it’s another father figure lost, except this time, it's a grandfather, who’s protecting the family legacy.

_Peter wouldn’t let their deaths be in vain._

**Author's Note:**

> [Crazyinfj’s Tumblr! (aka the writer)](http://crazyinfj.tumblr.com/)
> 
> As a disclaimer, my beta, Eylle9, didn’t want me to do this at all. She was highly against another angst piece but…I do what I want.[Eylle9’s Tumblr! (aka the beta)](https://tumblr.com/blog/eylle9)


End file.
